this beer tastes like vomit already
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
