I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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