omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
