We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
