Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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