You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
