Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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