Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
