Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
