i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
