Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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