omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
