i already hear my dad disowning me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
