ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
