I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
