My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
