thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
