you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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