Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That accounts for only three of the penises
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
