youre lurking in front of me
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
