dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
