i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
