Non-Jews are for practice
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
