I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
