Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
