It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
