Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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