walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I smell like Dick and happiness
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
