Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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