too bad you live with your parents still
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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