Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
