The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
