I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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