Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
