Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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