I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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