I got chris browned last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
