Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
