im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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