they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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