nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
