3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
