i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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