his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
