That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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