Got a toothbrush?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
