he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
