Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
