Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
