i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
