I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
