he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
