Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Farmville is her only friend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
