I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
