He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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