I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
