I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
