do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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