Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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