how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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