ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
this hospital has no fireball
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
