Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
