You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The power of my boobs compel you
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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