haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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