the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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