I want to make a zoo with you.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She even gives head with a lisp.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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