I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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