what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
