Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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