smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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