So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize