just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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