Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
