Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
