Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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