meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize