Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
