Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
