I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
