The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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