I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
