There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
