haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
