guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
