There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
