the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
